The James and Lily Scandal
by A Random Bowser
Summary: QLFC Round 12 Where Sirius causes a little chaos.


_**Prompt**_

 **Round 12:** Out of The Ordinary

 **CHASER 1:** Write an NON-ROMANTIC story about JAMES AND LILY

 **Characters/Pairing:** Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans

 **Prompts:**

6\. (word) masquerade

8\. (style) memoir

13\. (quote) 'It's easy to make a decision if you already know what the outcome will be.' - Armin, _Attack On Titan_

 **Word Count** (-AN): 1263, MSW

 **Note:** If it matters, I do not own Harry Potter in any form, except for the hardback copies of the books that sit on my shelf and they bring me no money.

QLFC Round 12

 _ **The James and Lily Scandal**_

So, I must say that I have every right to be pleased with myself. For now, I know that I am indeed the pranking King! It is a good thing my brothers can't hear me right now, else they may think that I did inherit my family's madness, for all I am giggling like those foolish nits Lily hangs around with. Still, their reactions! And all it took was a few well-placed rumors! And, maybe, a well-placed jinx or two.

I Am Genius!

Seriously, I should change my name to Genius.

Fine, fine, I didn't really mean that. So now, on to the important parts so that this moment will be recorded for future generations, or myself when I get too scatter-brained to remember. Let it be known that from henceforth this shall be known as the James and Lily Scandal.

It starts about a week ago. James and Lily were fighting again. I swear it is all the two of them ever do. I know a group of girls has a pool running as to when the two of them will finally kiss it out. Personally, though, I am just waiting for Lily to get fed up with it and slap James.

Anyways, the two of them were going at it in front of the fire, Remus was trying to teach Peter how to complete the latest charm, a rather hopeless endeavor I do say, and there I was, sitting like a king on his throne watching it all unfold around me, when the thought occurs to me, 'what can I do to make this all the more entertaining.' About that time three little birds entered the common room and I grinned.

Now, I am no mind reader, but Lily just might be, if the silence that followed is any indication. For not moments later, James strolls over, whistling, and plops down next to me and Lily is storming up to the girls' dorms. "So was Remus watching?" he asks me as if the whole fight were planned for our dear Moony's benefit.

See, here's the deal. Everyone knows that James is in capital L-O-V-E with Lily and that part is even a tiny it true, even if the prat is more in love with himself. What everyone doesn't know is that our furry friend is, even more, head over heels for his charming partner in Perfectdom. Everyone excluding James, Peter, and I that is. I know for a fact that James picks half the fights he and Lily have just so that Remus can go and comfort her when the fight is over. The other half he picks is because he lacks the ability to admit when he is wrong or being narrow-minded; something which I will not tell him. I waved toward where Remus and Peter were still, hopelessly, slaving away at charms, and he, as I knew he would, stomps over to join them, doing his best to not look as annoyed by the fact that they had ignored the fight as he was. (What kind of friend would I be if I told him that I saw Remus looking in their direction a good amount of the time? Not a good one.)

So, James is out of the way. Remus and Peter are out of the way. And Lily, the only one who might have tried to stop my fun, is upstairs pouting. The three birds are settling into a corner for their gossip session, and I am never one to pass up good timing. And timing is everything. After all, it's easy to make a decision if you already know what the outcome will be, acting on that decision is usually harder. Thankfully, I have never had a problem with either.

So, I casually grace these three birds with my presence. Nothing unusual for me, unless you take in the fact that these three would easily suck out a man's blood and give his body to the wolves. Still nothing I wouldn't do. They are easy enough on the eyes.

I start with a bit of light conversation, inquire into how the betting pool is coming along, and casually drop that the two individuals we were discussing had just been fighting over where they should spend the winter hols and, by the grin James was sporting after, Lily would soon be meeting her future in-laws.

Okay so I might have smudged the truth a little or maybe a lot, but really, it is the results that matter. My little venture into dangerous waters paid off big time. More than my quickly thrown together plan even counted on really. By the next day, James and Lily were supposedly engaged, and the day after that Lily was having his love child! I kid you not.

Not a second of it was believable, at least not to those of us who knew the rumors were wrong, but Lily…Well, Lily has always been a touch sensitive and she never really learned how, or when, to control her temper. These traits always made her buttons easy to push, and the results are usually funny, so long as you are not the one on the receiving end of her wand. There was this one time when she hit me with a stinging hex in a place where it was more than a tad uncomfortable, I will admit that I might have cried afterward. I am shuddering at just the memory. Note to future self, do not refer to Lily or any of her future offspring in a sexual manner. EVER! Not even if you are masquerading as someone she likes.

Back to the story, so, these rumors or going around the castle and eventually the whispers start to get to Lily. I am not even sure if she knew what was being said at first. The fights become more and more frequent, and then they start taking place in public, which only draws more attention. Then to cement things, I might have cast modified sticking charms on a few of James and Lily's personal belongings. Nothing that would be harmed by it. His watch, her bracelet. The bottom of her backpack, his heir ring.

It was going swimmingly…. until tonight that is.

Tonight, the four of us (James, Remus, Peter, and I) just happened to be following the girls into the common room. James, as usual, was in the lead, and well, thanks to a combination of luck and sticking charms, James might have ended up grabbing, and getting his hand stuck to Lily's rather perky derriere. Which really was very funny to the three of us behind James. To tell the truth, I think James might have enjoyed it too, after all, what red-blooded man wouldn't until Lily hit him that is.

I say hit, because Lily, apparently, doesn't slap. No, she hits, like a boy, puny fist and all. That was funny too, and successful on Lily's part as the blow was strong enough to push James back out the portrait hole. By the time we managed to get untangled, off the floor and into the common room, Lily was gone and the white faced gossips were looking at us.

Looks like the joke is up, now I only hope that they fail to discover the sticking charms before I get a chance to remove them, otherwise there is a good chance they will figure out the whole of it.

If I do not return to write tomorrow night, know that I failed epically in my task.

Sirius Black

January xx_


End file.
